A Short Guide to Praying as a Family
'Family prayer can move the earth," Philadelphia's Archbishop Charles J. Chaput writes in the foreword to a new volume, A Short Guide to Praying as a Family: Growing Together in Faith and Love Each Day. The beautiful volume leads my summertime reading recommendations this year, only that does not begin to capture the treasure it is. Compiled by the Dominican Sisters of Saint Cecilia, commonly known as the "Nashville Dominicans," with photos by Fr. Lawrence Lew O.P. (who I interviewed nigh "Tweeting the Gospel" here), it is a resources for whatsoever family that wants to pray together with the hows, the whys, and inspiration.
The volume is especially timely given that Pope Francis'due south upcoming visit to the U.s. is for the Globe Coming together of Families in Philadelphia — this is the reason and middle of his visit. In his foreword, Philly'southward shepherd writes that:
if parents dear God, children see and learn faith. Parents who pray together teach by the mode they live that God is real; that He is present, listening, and eager to be a part of our lives. Helping children acquire the habit of prayer thus becomes one of the most of import lessons a family tin share. A life of prayer makes us fully human because information technology makes united states of america real; it brings us out of ourselves, again and over again, into chat with the Author of life Himself — the God who made and loves us, and created everything we know.
Information technology'south no secret that marriage and family are in a bit of a land of disarray — and that'southward far from something the Supreme Court started terminal calendar month. If family has a prayer, prayer is a skilful place to start. This book helps.
Sister Jane Dominic Laurel, O.P., an assistant professor of theology at Aquinas College, served as the editor-in-chief for A Short Guide to Praying as a Family unit: Growing Together in Faith and Love Each Twenty-four hours and talks with me about it. – KJL
Kathryn Jean Lopez: Why is it and then of import to pray as a family unit? What tin can it do for a parent? For a kid? For family dynamics?
Sister Jane Dominic Laurel, O.P.: Praying as a family unit keeps Christ at the center of family life, and it helps everyone to remember what this life is all virtually — learning to love equally Christ does, giving love to and receiving love from others in joy and peace. Our family members are the most important people in our lives, and praying together keeps everyone and everything in perspective. Prayer helps united states above all to retrieve that God is our Father and we are His children; He loves and cares for us, listens to us, and waits for us. We depend on Him for everything.
Prayer helps united states of america higher up all to recollect that God is our Father and we are His children. . . . We depend on Him for everything.
Sometimes i member of the family needs or wants more attending than the others; too, some days are more stressful than others. Prayer draws down grace into our lives and then that nosotros will know how to respond to needs and wants, and then it also gives united states the grace and strength to exercise then with beloved.
Parents who pray with their families take plant that prayer is a source of peace, grace, and perspective. They say that information technology has helped them to continually reassess their priorities and cull the nigh of import things over the things that may certainly be attractive and expert, but which all too often prevent us from giving time to what is most important. They've found that prayer helps them to allow go of the unnecessary things then that they can give more fourth dimension to their family. Some parents who have given more fourth dimension to family prayer accept even noted that they have either completely given up or significantly lessened the time they spend on social media.
Through family prayer, children receive not only the time they and so crave to have with their parents, but they also receive the cute blessing of learning how to pray, how to turn to God with their troubles and their joys. Equally they pray with their family, they acquire who God is, what prayer is, and get more grounded in their own identity in the family and in God.
So, family prayer is good for both parents and children.
Lopez: What is the most important habit of prayer a family tin adopt?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Going to Mass together each Sunday.
Lopez: If there were one thing a family could add today, after weekly Mass, what would you recommend?
Sr. Jane Dominic: We would recommend, depending on the family schedule and the ages of the children, either Family Bedtime Prayer or the Monthly Family Meeting. For families with young children, Family Bedtime Prayer can help to bring the perfect shut to each twenty-four hour period. It also coincides nicely with the regular getting-gear up-for bed routine.
For families with older children, we would recommend the Monthly Family Meeting. One of the well-nigh positive ways to build family unit relationships in times like ours is precisely setting time bated each month during which family members spend time together, pay attending to ane some other, and connect with each other on the deeper levels. Perhaps after having the first Monthly Family Meeting, families might consider starting time Family Bedtime Prayer since older children and parents also benefit from praying at the terminate of the day.
Lopez: How might a family see a growth "in faith and love each twenty-four hours"?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Praying equally a family helps us to see with the eyes of organized religion. We see others and the tasks of daily life in a dissimilar light, a light that sets u.s. gratis from unrealistic expectations about ourselves, others, our fourth dimension, and "the manner things should exist." Organized religion also helps us to see all the blessings the Lord gives to us. As we encounter His providence and His presence at piece of work in our daily lives, we are filled with gratitude and love. And, we begin to invite Him more and more into our daily plans and decisions, to see equally He sees, and to dearest as He loves. Receiving His love for us inspires us to go out in dear to the members of our family unit with this aforementioned honey. When family members love ane some other, they become more than respectful towards and attentive to one other. What we could really say is that they assert one another's existence, proverb to i another in effect by their mental attitude and deportment: "It is good that you are." Everyone loves to exist around people who love and appreciate them. Then, when family unit members love and capeesh i another, they are happy. Thus, when a disagreement or a misunderstanding occurs, the foundation of organized religion and love are already there, so opening the lines of advice and reconciliation comes more than easily.
Lopez: Is prayer really "as simple and natural as friendship"?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Yep. Friendship comes as a result of our efforts to go to know someone and to be open to receiving them. Take the example of two neighbors who were at first strangers. They happened to outset working in their respective gardens at the same time every weekend. Naturally, they would stop and talk to each other, offset for shorter and then for longer periods of time. Before you know information technology, they might not only share gardening secrets but even purchase gardening-related gifts for 1 other. What happens? Past those repeated encounters, the conversations, the acts of cocky-giving and generosity, a friendship is created. This is what creates a friendship: time together, shared experience, presence, desiring what is practiced for the other, being happy that the other exists. The aforementioned is true of our relationship with God. The naturalness of prayer comes from being faithful to our efforts to get to know God and assuasive Him to reveal Himself to us and to exist present in our lives. As our friendship with the Lord grows, nosotros more than and more dear the simple fact that God IS and that He is our God.
Lopez: Are some prayers like the Divine Mercy chaplet especially powerful in a family context?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Aye. Near all prayer is more powerful when it is in customs. The Lord Himself assured the states, "[W]here two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them" (Mt. 18:twenty). God has promised to bless prayer in common. The family unit is an especially privileged customs, instituted past God himself. The first identify we encounter mercy is in our own families, and, thus, coming together to pray the Divine Mercy chaplet as a family is exceptionally powerful. It becomes a prayer of praise (for the mercy the Lord has shown us and the mercy our family members have shown us), thanksgiving (for mercy itself), and supplication (for continued mercy amidst the family members and for the whole earth). "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy" (Mt. five:seven). Imagine how much mercy a family that practices mercy obtains for the whole world!
Lopez: Is getting to know the Holy Family of import? For families who might not have a begetter at home, or a mother, how can this be a source of grace, not injure or judgment?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Yes. Christian tradition presents the Holy Family as the model for family life. Why? Because for the Holy Family, Christ is the abiding centre. He is the I who unites Mary and Joseph. The Holy Family undergoes the sufferings of family life, among them: their astonishment at the angel's message and their uncertainty equally they sought to place all their trust in God; the threats against their welfare; the hardship of journeys to the census in Bethlehem and the flight into Egypt; Mary's and Joseph'due south hearing that Jesus would be rejected, "a sign of contradiction"; and Mary and Jesus suffering together the death of Joseph. In our earth total of broken families, the Holy Family remains our model, for together they underwent genuine trials and difficulties that are part of our fallen globe. They are the model of family unit life, because they are models of love in the midst of difficulty.
We must likewise recollect that Jesus invites us into His family. He makes Mary our Mother while He hangs from the Cross. And St. Joseph would similar to be our foster father also. The Holy Family is the family unit that we are all invited into.
Lopez: "Please remember that only maxim the prayers is not the goal. The goal is praying ; personally encountering the Lord, listening to Him, and giving Him your heart." How practice we know if we're doing information technology right?
Sr. Jane Dominic: The Lord wants to be shut to united states of america even more than nosotros desire to be close to Him. He desires to encounter u.s. more than we want to encounter Him. So, if we want to meet Him, that is already a sign that He is at work in us.
So, if we want to come across Him, that is already a sign that He is at piece of work in u.s..
Sometimes the Lord stretches united states of america, and so He does not ever give us practiced feelings in prayer or allow u.s. to experience His presence.These periods assistance usa to grow in fidelity to the Lord and to grow in faith and in the desire to possess Him more.
Lopez: With all due respect, is it possible that religious sisters are unrealistic about the demands of family unit life? With busy and competing schedules?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Actually, nosotros were concerned almost the perception that, equally religious, we don't accept a realistic understanding of family unit life. However, we've been happily surprised, now that our book has been out for a few months, that families are writing to us and telling u.s.a. that they are so pleased with the fact that the book is "both beautiful and practical." That it reflects a real understanding of family life in our fourth dimension. Some take even remarked that they didn't think religious sisters would empathise them, but that the book shows that we do. Since Catholic educational activity is our primary apostolate, we do have the opportunity to piece of work and collaborate with wonderful Cosmic families of all kinds. We larn a neat deal from the witness of these families with whom we work.
To be admittedly honest, it really is a matter of priorities. The things that are important to us are those for which nosotros make time. God and family should be our top two priorities; but we are all weak, we tin hands allow other things — technology, sports, social media, and entertainment — to crowd out our time for God and our time for family unit. We tin allow ourselves to get on to the hamster bicycle, keeping ourselves and so busy that we never cease and have time to think about where we are placing priorities in our lives. We don't have to live on the hamster cycle. The Lord wants to show united states of america a simpler way. So the Scriptures tell united states of america, "Cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:vii). The more than cares we have, the more we need to rely on God. He tin can reveal to us where we are off with our priorities and pursuits. He knows those things that will not truly make us happy and the things that will. Prayer is the manner of entrusting our lives to Him and accepting His guidance. He shows us the things that only create feet and frenzy. He shows us also the things that atomic number 82 to communion and communication, the things that genuinely refresh usa, versus the things that just drain usa of energy.
His manner is much simpler. Making prayer role of the fabric of daily life leads to peace. Through it, parents can too teach their children how to detect peace. For case, if a parent picks up a child from school and realizes that the child is preoccupied with something, the parent would most probable try to encourage the child to talk more about what he or she is thinking and feeling. After listening and responding to the child'southward answers, the parent could say, "Let's pray most this together." They tin can and then pray together, and let God to requite them light and peace. By making prayer the priority, they mitt things over to God and this almost instantaneously makes life less stressful. It'south not about what we can do; it'due south about what we can let God do in our lives.
Lopez: Is there a special place in heaven for a mother who tin keep her children yet during the family Eucharistic adoration you lot're encouraging?
Sr. Jane Dominic: We are not encouraging mothers to take small children to Eucharistic adoration for long periods of time. Rather, nosotros would encourage families with small-scale children to go in shifts. This would hateful that one parent might take a small child for a brief visit. Then, the other parent (or an older child) might go to Eucharistic adoration with another kid. Ane of our sisters has the very happy retentiveness of her begetter wrapping her up in a green blanket and taking her to Eucharistic adoration. She was only about five years one-time at the time, and she would by and large slumber during adoration, merely she felt rubber there with her begetter and knew that they were in the presence of God together. And this made her very happy. He was instruction her about prayer through his instance.
Some moms have shared with us that they permit their children to accept turns going to Eucharistic adoration with mom or dad after the official bedtime. This makes the children run into that Eucharistic adoration is an award, a privilege. Each family tin pray and discern what might be the best way for them to coordinate their own Eucharistic admiration schedule, when they are ready for Eucharistic adoration, knowing that footling children need shorter adoration times, whereas the older children may have longer adoration times.
Lopez: What are decades of gratitude?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Decades of gratitude are a uncomplicated and beautiful way of giving thanks to God for specific blessings. Decades of gratitude are normally prayed on a rosary. Taking one decade of the rosary, you can do something as uncomplicated as this: (1) on the large bead, say something like, "Lord I thank you for . . ."; then, (2) on each of the 10 smaller beads, say one specific affair for which you are grateful, similar, "the conversation I had with Carla today," or "for the delicious dinner," or "for John arriving home safely." A lovely custom is to pray a decade of gratitude at the cease of the calendar year, on December 31, giving thanks for the greatest blessings of your life, like parents, siblings, children, the gift of faith, etc. Oftentimes, people detect that they need all five decades of the rosary to proper name all the things for which they are grateful.
Lopez: During a family rosary, "Younger children can still be present and listen quietly to the prayers, even every bit they pray." That's not letting anyone off easy! And mom might get to pray, too?!
Sr. Jane Dominic: What we had hoped to limited in this part of the volume is that each member of the family unit from youngest to oldest tin participate in the Family unit Rosary. Not all can pray the Rosary at the same level of intellectual and spiritual interest, because each fellow member of the family unit is in a different identify, but anybody tin participate and share in family prayer and unity by their presence. So even a toddler playing with a small-scale toy during the Rosary is still present and hopefully recognizes that something different, peaceful, and spiritual is happening. Perfectionism is i of the great pitfalls of those who desire to pray as family. We tin can't expect perfection in externals for anybody at every time — what families should want is to place themselves in God'south presence together. For some families, the most realistic thing may be to start with praying ane decade of the Rosary together and peradventure eventually working toward praying an entire Rosary together. Prayer often is not what we imagine information technology to exist. For a mother distracted by her children during the Family Rosary, it may exist that her prayer has already been fabricated by bringing her family together earlier the Lord. And this is very pleasing to Him.
Lopez: What is the "mystery" of prayer?
Sr. Jane Dominic: If prayer is a conversation with God, and so it is a conversation with One who is "full of surprises," as our Holy Male parent likes to say. There'southward no set formula for prayer. When Pope Benedict the XVI was once asked in an interview, "How many means are there to sky?" He answered, "as many as at that place are people." The same is true for prayer. There are equally many ways of prayer as at that place are people, for it is our relationship with God. Every individual has his or her own unique relationship with God, and this relationship is the most intimate one of all. That is why this relationship must remain a mystery to others, because information technology is always developing, always growing, always changing. The mystery of prayer is the mystery of becoming who we are, of allowing God to lead us in our lives, of making our journey to the house of the Father.
Lopez: Tin a small kid really empathize intercessory prayer?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Ane of our sisters has a little niece, Monica, who is only two years old. Her parents accept taught her "Baby Sign," a form of sign language for young children. One evening, it was storming exterior, and they had a knelt downwardly together equally a family to pray. At ane point in the prayer, they turned to little Monica and asked her what she wanted to pray for. Monica, in sign language, indicated to her mother that she wanted to pray for the birds. When her mother asked her why, Monica signed "wind" and "rain." She had begun to larn intercessory prayer from her parents. It is just as when children see their parents helping other children or helping one another, they want to imitate them. The same is true for prayer. When little children come across and listen to intercessory prayer, they as well want to participate. Intercessory prayer is a way of helping others, and children want to help others in this way besides.
Lopez: "Children readily accept this practice of offering sufferings equally sacrifices." Even today when the adults work hard to endeavour to eliminate it?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Suffering is a part of life. Parents naturally effort to protect their children from suffering, but there are sufferings that cannot exist avoided. It is when inevitable sufferings come that children most need their parents beside them, comforting them, and teaching them how to accept suffering, how to remember through suffering, and how to invite God into their suffering. This is what gives their suffering meaning and makes it bearable: when they tin unite information technology to the suffering of Christ in love.
Lopez: How does prayer brand us more fully man? Doesn't it actually have u.s. into retreat mode? It might be considered not fully active? When I tweet encouraging prayer for the persecuted, a frequent response is: Why non DO something instead?
He created united states of america in His paradigm and likeness, thus the more we sympathize who He is through prayer, the more than we will empathise who nosotros are. We find our identity in Him.
Sr. Jane Dominic: Prayer makes the states more fully human in that it is when nosotros pray that we recognize that the Lord is God, that He is our Creator and we are His creatures. We recognize both our demand and our many gifts. He created united states in His image and likeness, thus the more we understand who He is through prayer, the more nosotros will understand who nosotros are. We find our identity in Him.
Prayer can lead us into many different modes. At times, what the Lord shows u.s.a. through prayer is that we exercise need to get into "retreat style." At other times, He shows us that nosotros demand to go into "active mode." Sometimes, He shows the states we need to go into "be patient" mode. When we really enter into a conversation with the Lord He guides us and shows us what is needed. Sometimes, the best thing we tin can exercise for others is pray for them.
Prayer is not a substitute for action but a recognition that the Lord can best lead us toward the right course of action. Prayer puts u.s. in contact with God so that nosotros can enquire Him what part He wants u.s. to play in a particular situation.
Lopez: How tin "family unit prayer move the earth" as Archbishop Chaput puts it in his intro?
Sr. Jane Dominic: The family is the fundamental cell of society. If the family unit becomes prayerful and full of faith, courage and hope, charity and justice, pity and mutual service, this volition naturally spill over into the rest of society. A child who comes from a family unit that prays together will bring the fruits of that prayer — his faith, his behavior, his reflective attitude, his clemency — into his school and onto the playground. Meanwhile, the father and female parent of that aforementioned family will bring the same table salt and lite into their workplaces, the grocery store, and into political life itself. Families who pray together cannot but begin to change the world for the better.
Lopez: How can praying "Jesus, You have washed everything for me, and I take washed nothing for Y'all," alter your life?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Aspirations in general help usa to go on our focus on God, to invite him into our daily lives. This particular aspiration leads us to a reality that is true and is actually very healthy and freeing for us to realize: God'south goodness and generosity and our own nothingness. Information technology can fill up usa with gratitude. Gratitude is transformative. Nosotros run across that everything we accept is a gift, and that we deserve none of it. Non fifty-fifty our very lives. Anyone who lives seeing everything through the lens of gratitude "lives differently," as Pope Benedict put information technology. In a sense, this aspiration is the perfect antitoxin to our gimmicky sense of entitlement that only seems to brand people more than miserable. Seeing life and the people in our lives as a souvenir from God changes everything.
Lopez: The book is quite beautiful. How did it come together?
Sr. Jane Dominic: About 3 years ago, we implemented a community-wide initiative in all our apostolic work — namely, offering retreats and other opportunities that could inspire the renewal of the Cosmic family. Thanks to the generous gift of benefactors, our community has a retreat house and we have been offering retreats for Catholic moms and Cosmic dads as office of that initiative. It was during these retreats that we realized how much parents want to pray as a family, and still how unequal they feel to the task. The more families we spoke with, the more the idea of a book and the book itself came to take shape. Information technology seemed what was needed was a guide that was accessible to all types of families, those who take never prayed together before and those who already pray together on a regular ground. While some parents take the gift of beingness raised in a family that prays together, others practise not. The aforementioned is true for our sisters; some of us grew up praying with our families while others did not. Moreover, the two synods on the family unit, the upcoming World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, as well equally Pope Francis'south call for more pastoral attention toward the family, were all further inspirations for the book.
Lopez: What are the possibilities and opportunities y'all run across in the pope's visit this autumn for the World Meeting of Families?
Sr. Jane Dominic: Nosotros hope and pray that many families nourish the World Coming together of Families, and that the Holy Father'south visit will truly give a fresh impetus to the renewal of family life in America. Among the graces we foresee is that of helping Catholic parents to know that they are not alone in their desire and struggle toward holiness. They will encounter how much the Church cares for them. We believe that the Holy Spirit will be very much at work in the World Meeting of Families, and He knows best of all exactly what each family needs. Even more, He wants to requite it to them.
Lopez: What could the year of mercy coming upwardly in December mean for family life in America?
Sr. Jane Dominic: The Year of Mercy is a wonderful souvenir to the Church. Which one of us does not need mercy, most especially in our families? Then often, it is those dearest to us whom we most take for granted. Since the Year of Mercy volition be not only a special invitation to extend and to receive mercy, but also a time of bang-up grace for receiving the Lord'south mercy, it promises — if we cooperate — to be a year for restoring, rebuilding, and revivifying the family.
Source: https://www.nationalreview.com/2015/07/families-pray-identity-love/
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